Happy Mother's Day

Oh, man, Blog.  I love being a mother.I really do.  And of course it's my "full time job", as they say with a know-it-all-smirk.  So it's a day devoted to us martyrs and I will honor it.  Hell yeah.


What can I tell you about being a mother?   You sacrifice everything? Of course. Just think about eating.

I know before I had any babies I would just eat food like a regular person.  After I had babies?  My food is not my food at all - it is just stuff I cut up for the audience.  I am in the middle of eating an apple?   Baby wants its?  I automatically hand it over whilst maintaining my convo on squeaky pistons. When I was a regular old person, I just ate whatever was placed in front of me. As a mom, I expect the motion of things being taken off a plate and being put into my mouth to never again be a fluid process.

I will now end with the content of my Mother's Day cards/gifts:


From Ted: A flower with the petals of adjectives all about me:  pretty, nice, beautiful, awesome, helpful, loving (I'm assuming the teacher helped out with this one otherwise these petal might have read cooks sometimes, not annoying, let's me play Super Smash Bros)

A foam tea cup that reads You are as sweet as the sugar in my tea.  I am assuming also a gift from the teacher as Ted has never drank tea in his life and also has no secret stash of pink foam that I am aware of.

A homemade card with water stains that reads on the front Happy Mother's Day, Mom, Nancy, I love you Daddy, Karl, Nonni, Poppy Helen, Sammy, Harper, Emmet.  Inside: I love you. I will never hate you.  Happy Mothers Day mom. I hope you like\love my presents I gave\made you.  A stick figure pic of me and Ted holding each other.  I have two strands of hair and the neck of a giraffe.  He has no hair. On the back:  I love you, Mom! I will never hate you. To Mommy Nancy. Eh, F it I have to take a pic of this and post it.  It's too much.   At first I was like, why is he advocating for the Red Cross and then I realized it's a picture of a gift.  Where this gift is, I have no idea.

Mind you Teddy and I have already had three fights today and he now just exclaimed, "Great!  Now I'm being punished on a HOLIDAY."

Now, Helen, has a little more sophistication to her gift. Water has also been spilled on this card. I assume also teacher-orientated as it is a haiku of sorts and reads

Mom
Kind, Helpful
Tutoring, loving
Makes me feel safe.
Tutor.

She also has more sophistication to her Mother's Day attitude.  In the middle of putting away dishes with me she "fell ill" and had to go "lie down."  Then I was like why am I putting away dishes on Mother's Day?  I have to go see what Blog got me.

UPDATE:  Ted just took his tea cup back.  No one is being nice to him on a HOLIDAY.