Principal's Office

Rah, so we had the talk, Blog.  As a child, I was never called into the principal's office except when maybe somebody was having a luncheon.  As an adult, I pretty much have the principal's office on speed dial.  With all of the technology nowadays -yes,  you little Bloggy-boo, you know you come first- it really is much more of a this type situation.

And the Bat Phone rang today.

Awesome beautiful mom: Yes, hello?

Please hold.  

Awesome beautiful mom diapers one naked pygmy flying through the room while on hold. 

Still on hold?  Awesome beautiful mom dares to ask Eldest why she will not stop hiccuping tears into a trash basket after just coming off the school bus.

Eldest (wailing): I- HAD- A -REALLY- BAD -DAY. ...IT ....WAS.   JUST SO .. AWFUL AND TERRIBLE..

Awesome beautiful mom: Okay, Let's talk about it.(still on hold).

Eldest:  wails This morning I almost didn't catch the bus. You should have driven me to the bus stop!!!

Awesome beautiful mom: I am so sorry, I did not realize you were that late.

Eldest amidst sobs: I guess it's okay, you didn't know.

Flying pygmy realizes her  diaper is just one more layer of societal confines.   She hurls the confining beast of product overhead.       Hits wall. SMACK. *slide*

Still on hold? Yes, it's me!

Awesome beautiful mom wipes up the hazardous zone with a swoop of the hand, and now she is putting on makeup to get ready to leave for drs app.   

Oh, hi? Hello? How are you? Wait what? Yes, me. no you. Yes, Hi.

Kids in the background shouting at the top of their lungs PLEASE FREE US.

Awesome beautiful mom: Yes, hello?


Caller: Hi this is the  Assistant Principal calling because of the recent behavior of your child. Is this a good time?

Brain thinks, her day has just stopped being what my day is becoming right now.  But it is my kid she is taking the time to address, so...

Your answer: Of course, I have all the time IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW.

Naked Pygmy decides to try potty.

No matter that I just found a four leaf clover on top of a unicorn.  Some other day.

Naked Pygmy decides toddler potty looks delicious and bites it.

Caller: So we were concerned about your email and wanted to talk to you about how we are helping T blasi blasi blasi here is what actually happened and not what he said and also teacher says you don't sign behavior sheet daily.

Eldest Child has given up on world and gone completely goth. Is deciding how to best  sacrifice Naked Pygmy to her new god.

Awesome beautiful mom:  Well,, the first thing we do is talk about the behavior sheet. He tells me what his score was and we talk about what happened, so sometimes it doesn't make it out of the bag because we are trying to figure out what went wrong.

Awesome beautiful mom stops Middle Child's punch in midair and replaces it with lipstick tube. Middle child is confused long enough for Awesome beautiful mom to to begin stroking Eldest Child's hair in soothing fashion.

Caller:  It's cool, are you cool don't sue us, we won't sue you, let's all love Ted, stop with the hatey emails, did you say you might be MOVING???

ABM: Yes, the house is on the market.

Caller: sounding super casual Will you be staying in the area?

Actually we were looking at the house right next to yours, great neighborhood :)

ABM:  We are trying to.  Of course, we can't be sure. But I am sure that's having somewhat of an effect on Ted.

Caller agrees while frantically scribbling on teleprompter all over school, T may be leaving next year!!!!!!

ABM and Caller: simultaneously Let's all be friends.

~Fin~

(No Bloggy, that's just Mombo feeling awk that she is being called into the principal's office on behalf of someone else. See, I got confused when there was no luncheon, so I panicked.  And of course humor is my scapegoat.)

There was a post-it on the behavior sheet that read PLEASE SIGN DAILY, and I felt ashamed, Blog.  It's akin to searching for my glasses all day when they are on top of my head.  The whole world knows about this behavior sheet.  Grandma Patsy, Aunt Martha, Helen, the Ambassador to Norway, but sometimes I don't get my sig on it.  I have the naked pygmies to handle.