Julienne

I went grocery shopping this morning.  Seriously, if anyone ever needs a pick me up on Monday morning Fleetwood Mac's Monday Morning. You heard it here first.

Ha ha so distracted I just listened to that song and thought about the old days and then I am like  wait what am I doing?  Then went upstairs had a conversation with myself and here I am again, about fourteen hours later.

(E just peeked out of the playroom totally starkers except for her tuxedo socks. We made eye contact.)

So I went grocery shopping this morning and decided to get a couple of kitchen utensils that were on clearance.  Cause I walked in and they got me with their display of freshly cut veggie noodles and cauliflower rice and I thought hey I can do this at home and the kids will think they are eating RICE and it is actually BRUSSELS SPROUTS.

So I am all excited because sometimes when things look different they taste different and you know then all of a sudden I am Twiggy.  I decided I am going to be the healthiest eater on the planet and they have these little gadgets on clearance for slicing, paring, dicing, julienning, etc.  So I am like straight up, yes thank you and purchase three of them.

So I take these bitches home and take them for a spin around town, if you will.  The first one is awesomeballs and it shaves all my brussels sprouts into a lovely shavelings of shavings.  It's like coleslaw and salad and just wonderful. But then the second one is where it goes terribly wrong.  Its the Julienner.  No good.  I introduced it to an eggplant and things did not go well.  So of course I sliced off the tip of my left thumb.

But they were on CLEARANCE.

NERD

Man I did not want to have to do this, but there is no way out.



So we're in the car and H is like pretty soon I'll be a decade old.  And T chimes up I'll be a decade minus one this year.  Randomly someone (or the chorus) says well at least I am not like 39 decades cause that would be like 390 years old, so I happen to become alert and I say oh my goodness we aren't we  on the way to purchase  an X Box 360?


And of course now we have to call it the X Box 36 decades.  I am like the nerdiness in this car at this moment is almost another person.  It's that bad.

It's not a combination lock.  It's a permutation lock.

Buns.

Memories

You might as well try to capture time in a bottle, Blog.  Memories.  It's so redonk.   Wait wait wait hold up.   Let's put two words together:  memories and perspective.  I think my mind just exploded.  I dunno.  I see some stuff on the carpet and I THINK it's my brain, but it could be Baby Lasagna Vomit.  (Just felt I should capitalize that V.)


So anyway from what I REMEMBER.... but here is the best thing, you have to verify, Alibis. That's right, Bloggy.  Pay cash for EVERYTHING.

So it would be like

do you remember when there was the orange pool of fizz and a man and a dog came out of the taxi?

do you remember when it was spring and my mother saw your mother barfing into a plant cause she was hungover?

and so on.

So H and T got their precious Xbox 360, due to two fabulous benefactors named Uncle Kenny and Grandma Patsy,  Mommy was the middle man.  Mommy is okay with being the middle man.  Cuz it don't cost her a dollah. So now there is an Xbox 360 in the house.  Interesting.  I have poked it with various kitchen utensils and it seems to respect me.

I think H and T will have great memories.

(Setting it up)

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Yes, Everyone Does Poop

All I am saying is we really just don't have to TALK about it for all the live long day..  I mean, for sure, the poop is going to show up in all sorts of different ways and definitely when we don't want it to so as long as it has that as it's jet engine, we don't need to worry about DISCUSSING it.  Is my feeling.


But lemme give you an image.  I am in a Starbucks.  Just living my life and sipping my drugs. Fake sugar, caffeine, cocaine what have you.  (No Bloggy, not cocaine CALM DOWN).  I am minding my own business and obvs E has to use the little girls room.  And obvs as I have told you all before she is quite independent.

So mommy is not allowed to help E do her stuff.  That's cool.  Mommy has other things to do.  Like look super serious staring at a computer screen in Starbucks.  Mommy becomes engrossed in who is actually keeping up with Kardashians, when all of a sudden....


Um excuse me?  Does this belong to you? says a woman holding one three year old human in my likeness.

Pantless E has shuffled her way all through the Starbuck's because she needs help wiping.

She has literally made her way through the store with her pants down around her ankles and some toilet paper in her hands like, Who's up next?


.

This Should Do It

More T Updates

So T has been having a really great week, and I am gonna say again let's think about the seasons.  The four seasons.  (No, not Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons, Blog, that's a band that I do actually like.)

 Bipolar Disorder, they say, has issues with the seasons.

Then there is simply Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Then there is also the fact that being cold sucks. Anyone with me on that?

Being warm is nice, and being cold is miserable.

It's also like being hungry sucks.  Being well fed, I'm a happy gal.

Nobody said we were doing rocket science, here, Bloggy-boo.

So it's like I was sitting in Jade (my car) waiting for a parking space on the mean streets of PCV/ST, and the parking  is  definitely yesterday's diapers so the guy in front of me throws me a gem and says you'd better wait with your car because all the people on this side of the street have like a routine.  They know their car is going to stay here and will never move and have actually been staying here andwatching all the live long day like the Flinstones. (See later) They are that old.

So I dial up the old celery and tell the parents eh probs never gonna come home again since waiting with my new friend, the car guy in front of me aka Mr. Rubble, until street cleaners NEVER COME. (Of course they don't -- it is so a power trip) and the Denners comes down to sit with me for a bit.  I happen to be able to offer him salted almonds (which he fiercely partakes of whilst protesting that Jade is a dirty whore because she houses several pairs of clean undergarments for three children all on the floor of her immaculate rugs that he has actually paid for.) I allude to the surroundings and I simply say, yes Den, THIS is what is like having three kids.  And then Den can turn around and say to me Oh Really?  Funnily enough, I raised three of my own....

And it's like... Well played, Den.   Well played.

Feet

Hey Bloggy!

I am in NYC using Grandma Patsy's computer and my acclimation response is unfortunate.  I feel somewhat retarded pressing keys that are not my usual keys.  I just had to tell you.  I am like slightly blind and a little deaf and all in all, like get a grip.

ANYWAY, drove H up for a concerto night with Grandma Patsy all Mozart Style. They will go do their tra la la la ings and I believe I will hit the mean streets of the city tonight with a can of Monster Energy Drink and some pepper spray.  Who knows what will happen.

We are going to be socially awkward with our feet in the hands of our lovely friends all speaking a different language we do not understand = pedicure.

Toes and bros and hoes and Gma Pats is on the prowl! (She is right behind me for realz.)

Addiction

Okay so people with no sense of humor.  What is up with that?  I cannot relate.  It's like aliens.

Anyway, I mean, who am I to talk about addiction.  But I was just talking with someone and this someone was like so how often do you try to exercise and I said every day and this someone was like so is it an addiction? And I am like hold up.

Exercising is good for you.  I try to do it every day.  Eating.  Also very very good for you and I think without it we might be in some trubs.  Yes I eat three times a day and sometimes even more! I don't think I am addicted to eating.  But yes I love it.  So you don't drink or you don't eat fatty foods and you try to replace it with exercise.  Then you get addicted to the exercise. Man, it does seem like you can't win.

At the end of the day, I think it is probably about no judgment,  I mean if you see a person stumble, you should help him up. You shouldn't accuse the person in the middle of the stumble.  Was it cocaine? Wine?  A bacon egg and cheese?  Who cares? They need help.

So Awk

It's  just like so many times...I have to ask (for REASONS, Blogster)  Oh do you read the blog? And it has nothing to do with like hey do you like me?   I am just trying to figure out how much I have to detail my life or if it's already done.  Like do you already know about T and the basketball or do I have to set that whole story up again?

And then the person is like yes, yes, of course I love your Blog!  Something about the bus?  And I am like ha ha that was thirty years ago on this blog (No you are not aging, Bloggy. you look fine, Dorian Gray) but whatever.

And they are like yeah I pop in from now and then, to read your stories.  And I am like, that's cool I only ask because I want to know if you are one of the ones who knows my kids' names and their little butt sizes or if you are on the haters team


(UNCLE KENNY)


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E

My Weekend

Okay, Blogsteroonie.  I will now fess up to my weekend.  So last weekend or maybe two years ago (my calendar gets muddled), it was President's Day and this really threw a wrench in my schedule.  I dunno how the school system like slipped a vacation in there unbeknownst to me but the kids had Friday and Monday off, and I should have treated it like vacay but I wasn't THINKING, Blogster.  And I treated it like a  regular old weekend. With a day off and a sleepover or something.

So anyhoozle the point is I could not get to my exercising (this is where I start flexing all my muscles) which really means that one small insect got in the way of me getting in the car to go exercise and of course the world was over and I had to sleep on the couch all day.

So I didn't exercise.  For like a couple of days, maybe four. Then I got back into it and did Kickboxing on Thursday and asked a new friend there, hey will you be here tomorrow? (try not to scare her too much, Bloggy, sometimes I can be.....AGGRESSIVE), and she was like I don't know if I can do this to my body two days in a row.  And I was like (in my head which is a crazy place people must never go), uh what is she talking about... wimp.  So I showed up the next day all flexy and whatever.  She was not there.

So on and so forth the next day I decided early in the morn to go for a leisurely jog and by leisurely jog I mean me dying on the treadmill and stopping every two minutes gasping for breath and reaching for Powerade. Easy Peezy.  I am an ATHLETE.

So this is the day Grandma Patsy and Poppop Den come to visit.  And you gotta love these guys, They are lovers all the way. But you also have to understand that when they fly into town, H snaps her fingers and whatever she wants, this little girl GETS.  And the little girl decided she wanted to ice skate.

As it happens there is an ice skating rink in our backyard (seriously so close I fell out of bed into the rink), and there we go.  Now, mama knows that with Gma Patsy and Poppop's Dens visit she is going to eat her face off at Uno's or whatever restaurant she gets taken to on the cavalry.  So of course Mama has decided to eat one leaf of lettuce in the last three days. (I have GOT to slim down Bloggy.  I just don't know how else to put it).

We go to the ice skating and even bring E and did you know how COLD it gets in there?  My god, it's ridiculous.  So so I was freezing my little buns off. I must have fallen about five time in about thirty minutes. Of course my muscles had atrophied as soon as hitting the temperature and they all started to speak to each other

Oh em jee, she really thinks this is her twelve year old self , doesn't she?

Christ and she is like almost forty, isn't that right? WTF?

Let's make her fall again. perhaps she will get the freaking message?

And there I am thinking hell it doesn't matter that I have kickboxed two days in a row and ran this morning and not eaten I can just go do another sport.


What the hell, am I training for Iron Man or something?

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A New Week

Oh, Blog, I have so many things to tell you.  You know me so well though, that I am sure you remember my origins.  I grew up in NYC where there are three types of wildlife called pigeons, squirrels and roaches.  That is all and that is enough,  Of course, unless you are my friend Brad and there is a Tweety.  But pets were few and far between in my day.

Now I live in PA in a suburb which may as well be on a farm in the 1850s with Laura Ingalls Wilder because I just learned how to light a match yesterday.  In NYC there are on switches. Bloggy, not matches.  And if the on switches don't work, we call someone dressed in green.  This person, dressed in green charges us one million dollars to fix the on switch which we pay because we think it is a great deal because we still get to keep our latest issue of Vogue and it it is not a light bulb because when a LIGHTBULB goes out the man in the green clothes might have to call his supervisor and things REALLY get expensive.

Anyway I was standing in my kitchen looking out the window (NOT covered in bars which is also a rare commodity from where I grew up -- no not in da clink, Bloggy, JESUS) and I saw a raccoon.  I know what raccoons look like because my parents used to take me to the Bronx Zoo,  which is now called something like the Conservatory of Nature's Wildlife Dream Unicorns or something.  At the Bronx Zoo, you get to see raccoons but more importantly you get to smell skunk.

So after I saw this raccoon, I started to smell skunk in the kitchen so then I was like oh no that must have been a skunk, not a raccoon.  And then I was like what the f is really the difference and I should go google that shiz.


Happy Monday.  It's a new week, Bloggy!

Hoops

Thanks to the illustrious benefactor, Poppop Den, we are now the proud owner of a bball hoop in our backyard.  This is really the coolest thing.  The kids can practice all the live long day on their shots.  Ted had been so frustrated at his game yesterday and I said all you have to do is practice, and now he can at anytime!  And it can is adjustable for the height of his games and then for the realz games.

And some kids are coming over to have a playdate today and they can,,,,shoot hoops. 

E Calls it Black

Wow okay Bloggy, hold on to your hats LOTS of stuff hapenning this weekend.  I don't even know where to begin but I will definitely tell you that E has the loudest voice in America when she says, THAT BLACK KID LOVES ME.

Okay.  I am sure he does.  We all love you, E.  But just tone it done with the blackies and the whities, (of course she can't because she comes from  the crest of Keane; synonym: loud).   So E is like in the bleachers.


Mom,,

That black kid loves me.

But this other black kid does not love me and also he is not my best friend,

And I am like that's coool how about we all watch some basketball because it is orange?

Not Your Best Friend

So today E had some outfit troubles.   Now, as a backstory you must know that E is three so when you do something she does not like, she is instantly mad at you and not your best friend anymore.

It comes together in a package: "I'm mad at you and I am not your best friend anymore!" which is interesting cause I had no idea E was my best friend in the first place but then to lose her all of a sudden like that.  What a whirlwind of emotions.

Today I gave  her an outfut because she like to dress herself.  She is very independent.  She wants to make her bed, brush her teeth, dress herself, which is all great for me.  I can just lie on a bed of lilies eating grapes and looking bored while my worker bees support me on a bed of lustrous marble....


 Actually I just end up picking up in the wake of the whirlwind that is E.  So she gets the outfit and mommy goes to do her thing and then all of a sudden I notice E has REPLACED my skirt with a different one. Um, what is up what that?  So I am like where is the skirt to this outfut? and  she is like yeah no I don't like that,  So I say whatevs, wear this skirt because it matches and -  standoff.  For no real reason.

So they say to pick your battles, right?   Well I am going to pick this one, thank you very much. Just cause I am an animal and I have to mark my turf as the BOSS.  (No, Blog calm down I am not going to pee on anything. Jeez)

So we end up with the skirt on but then she doesn't like the shirt.  So  I literally said to her [blackmail here], "Well I can't be your best friend if you don't put your shirt on."  And this was a dilemma for her.  She really wanted to be my best friend but didn't like the shirt.  But then she told me the reason. The shirt had buttons on the sleeves and she couldn't push the sleeves up to wash her hands like she learned in Miss Mary's class.

So I said that was a great reason not to like a shirt.  F that shirt for realz.  On to another beautiful shirt.


Right?

Ted's Behaivior Sheet

Was 98 yesterday!



 And 88 today!


(80 is goal)....

? A Questiom

So here is a question:   Do you go to your ex's funerals?  I mean, what is the protocol in THAT game?  Now, I guess I shower. That's the big news.  Seriously, do you?

T Buckets

Okay so   this is weird.  T and the basketball.  Now, Mama was educated to be a classroom teacher, so she may know her stuff. I have had various Teds in my classroom.  And it is what it is.   Your job.  The workday.  Your year.  You deal with it.  And then you have one of your own.

But where it really stands out?  You can see it on the court.  T's different.  First he can't run normally.  He always has to run up and down the courts in some sort of weird hyped up cartoonish run.  And then he flat out walked out of a game to talk to me. No joke, the game was in full swing and he just walked right off the court on the sunny side of the street.  I was just sitting in the bleachers not really doing much of anything. T rolls up and told me it would be okay if I cheered (I wouldn't be embarrassing him).  I was like, okay.  Also, your game is behind you.  Just fyi.

But the craziness is he has the genetics all up in surround sound. I mean I was uber athlete and so was bio dad.  And he even looks the part: tall, gangly, awesome.   But for whatever reason, this dynamic flow of a game is a little bit beyond Teddy's mental grasp.  He lives for staccato.

Annnd...by the by..neither of my little  stool pigeons have made a basket. I think only Helen tried to throw the ball up once. Meanwhile I am on the sidelines like flooping and plotzing and futzing and ready to jump in at any time for her team .  (I am sure they are looking for a sub.)

Waiting for the bus

Personal Space

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So Bloggy bean, how ARE you?

Oh yeah, I was at Wegmans today (obvs) and I am like man I really do not care what people think about me.   Is that true?  Do I?  Then I look at what I am wearing.  I have on red (an unfortunate ebay misinterpretation) Uggs with a long black coat, but I am in my gym clothes which consists of hubby's last  Friday tee shirts which may or may NOT be wrapped around the appropriate body parts, and a sticker is coming off my shoe.

And I am like, yeah no, I think you don't care.

 And the woman in line  next to me is in a sweatsuit that has been ironed and has *Juicy Couture* flashing in strobe lights.

I think she cares.

but update *SHOULD I CARE?*

Card

Grandma Patsy sends the best cards.  I am the chick.  The kids are the hearts.

2 Hour Delay

Not a fan, Blog.   Am I off or on?  Is it a weekend or weekday? No, I am suspended by two hours. Okay.

So apparently everything will be happening two hours later today. That's interesting.  I'd love to have breakfast, but.... you get it.  And the kids are all in school like good bunnies but no kiddos, you don't have morning learning times we just throw you in midday schedule and try to play it off all normally like,language arts actually HAPPENED today.  Weirdo.

So what is the deal? I guess they want the head honcho to mark off another business day so it counts, yet it jacks up all my PLANS, which of course I have  none severely etched in stone but it's my tiny head that explodes.  Like now what's for dinner?

A Bowl of Rice Cakes

Well Blog, I did slim down a bit, and then we ordered Chinese food.  So you know how that goes.  I need to get back to kickboxing but I cannot go outside because I am not an Eskimo.  Only Eskimos are allowed outside nowadays.

Okay so the house that I live in was built in 1850 and therefore it is an ice cube.  So one of the places mama can actually feel her own blood circulating again is in the nice warm shower. And of course I have told these children time and time again not to bother me in the shower unless someone is bleeding out.(very rare occurrence).  So la dee da one leg is shaved and

KNOCK KNOCK.

Yes? Door opens and frost covers everything in the bathroom.

There isn't any Bee cereal, and I don't like Raisin Bran so can I have a bowl of rice cakes for breakfast?

(A bowl of rice cakes?)

Check above the stove, there are a bunch of cereals I bought yesterday.

Okay.

~End scene~

Now, Bloggy, I simply don't have the time or energy to think about why my son wants a bowl of rice cakes for breakfast.  Or why he feels he must freeze me to death in the shower.

But what I DO know is that E goes from this

to this 

in a matter of seconds with no warning.  Also, this balloon is one she picked out yesterday that hubby came home with and I was like wait, what?  I am pregnant, and it's a girl and you all knew this and I didn't until he was like no she just wanted the pink one.  And I was like phew.  Close call.

Robot

Okay Bloggy.  I have like no idea how to discern if we are popular or not.  But at least a hundred people read us a day.  That's good, right? I don't know.  It's like H and T when they stand up against their classmates and I am like whoa they are short.  Or tall.  No idea.  Just flying around in outer space hoping peeps love us.  No baseline.

Well, Mama does like the numbers.  A hundred peeps a day. Good numbers.  A hundred pounds to lose, ha.   So Mama did NOT get to shred her ex yesterday due to the car issue and such.  Unfortunate.  But Mama is trying to install a six pack of abs back into the mama belly. Either by running or kickboxing I don't know.  And here I have  jettisoned my old friend, Zumba.  Yikes.  I mean I love her, but mama is FLIGHTY.  Hello.  Eh it's not really that its more about the instructors being bunk.

  The kids are all on it and they are like I can see a two pack. Ha.

Oh wait I have been waiting to post this convo (from my tutoring):

guest123502528:>i want to learn how to build a robot
Nancy Q:>okay
Nancy Q:>do you have a model
Nancy Q:>or an imprint
guest123502528:>no i don't
Nancy Q:>okay well what would you like the robot to do
guest123502528:>to move and learn
Nancy Q:>okay so it would need electricity?
Nancy Q:>you would have to program it
Nancy Q:>to do what you want
guest123502528:>what kind of materials will i need
Nancy Q:>well it depends on how big you want it
Nancy Q:>and what your ultimate goal is
Nancy Q:>if you want a life sized robot
Nancy Q:>materials will be much different than if you want a mini root
guest123502528:>learning
Nancy Q:>well a robot can't learnn unless it's creator teaches it to
guest123502528:>thank you

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Sleepovers

Ha okay seriously I just tried to send a picture to my email from my iPhone, and I guess I am going to have to take a class on iPhones.  Sadness.  I thought I was smart.  But then I got the iPhone.  Have we already talked about the small i capital p business?  Kill.

Heard from next room:  " I need Yoshi so bad!"

So the Gremlins have had their sleepovers and all seems to be going well.  The boys got along great and Kyle is a winner.  Nice boy, very polite even though his mom is like don't you want to kill him?? So now I am like wait is this an epidemic?  All moms are worried their sons will destroy the universe when left alone?  Sounds about right.

And also Kyle and Ted are in the same class with a kid named Gavin who ALSO has a behavior sheet.  So this teacher has about four guys with behavior sheets,  Is this just a tough year for her or is this now par for the course in our ever-growing overpopulated society?  Deep, right?  Do NOT get me started on overpopulation, Blogster,

Happy V day!

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RAH

Oh Em Jeeee Blog, my car is stuck on the ice AND I have been walking around all day with only ONE dangly earring in.


 I'm a pirate, Blog.

Shred Your Ex

Is the name of the event I am going to in just an hour,  I think I told you, Bloggy, that a kickboxing gym cropped up in my backyard.  Because I guess God was like... seriously, Nancy.  Try not to exercise now.  And I was like, touche God,  Well done.  (As always, I presume.)

So they are having an "event" where you are supposed to bring pictures of people you hate and then you get to beat them up.  Ha.  But, see, Bloggy, Mama is really all about the love so I would feel kind of funny printing out pictures of people I don't like,  Oh, also?  Who has the time?  I mean if you hate somebody that much, it's not good for you Bloggy.  You gotta let it go.

Don't get me wrong.  There  are various and sundry beeyotches I will be pummeling all the live long day.  Haters, if you will.  But I am just going to THINK about them because that does not require any extra energy.  Duh,  And of course you can always put a picture of things up there like the printer in your office that always jams paper into itself.  Kill. Or the tangled cords for my ear phones.  Those guys.  THOSE GUYS.

Anyway, I'm gonna take pics.

Oh also I have to shout out to the peeps who support you Bloggy, the donaters.  We have gotten a couple this weekend and one of them wanted to spread the love,  You betchya.


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Valentine's Day T Minus 2

 So T was allowed to attend his Valentine's Day party yesterday, meaning I guess he was well behaved.  I doubt his teacher would ply him with copious amounts of sugar if he had been bad.  Then today they had off.

There is a bball game tomorrow for T at nine am and one for H at noon.  Then they BOTH have sleepovers tomorrow night so by the time Sunday rolls around they should be able to throw bon bons into my mouth while dancing around me in a heart shape and then collapsing into tired ecstasy.  And then of course we have Monday off so they can recuperate!

Mama Ain't Stupid

I mean.  Maybe I am not stupid.  I really have a hard time with the iphone.  This am H called the beloved HATER Uncle Kenny up on my iphone and  bam! somehow we were in an instant face time what have you.  I forced Uncle K to tell me I looked skinny while he took us on a phone tour of his house.  Good times.  And then of course it all ended and we had no idea how or why,

So a lot of times I touch my iphone and all this crazy shiz happens and I am like uh,,,what?  And then there are tabs and papers and screenshots and they all EXIST someplace but I have no idea HOW TO FIND THEM.  All I ever see is like a bamboozle shot of whatever I want and love and then it flies away into Neverland and I am like it would be so cool if I could ever see that again.  Wherever it is.

And of course I know it is there,  Somewhere.  But if I just tap tippity tap twice once on the the left side arrow corner I get a swoosh and then a whole baseball cap full of pigeons comes flying out.

Crazy Arms

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Penises are Gross

This just in: penises are gross. That came from Helen and I solidly agree.  We giggled a bit.  I have to thank some DONATERS yeah you know who you are.  Spreading the love.  :)

So this kickboxing place cropped up in my backyard and I joined up.  H is recording my muscles and weight loss.  Good times.  Picture H with clipboard and visor.  She loves new activities.

The news on the streets is we have one new sleepover.  So we shall see how that goes. H is going to Ava's and Kyle is coming to T's house and then Gavin (also a special needs kid) is coming over Sunday afternoon for a playdate. Will Mommy survive?  Bloggy will tell us,

NBJ

So recently, Mama's head has been exploding.  What're ya gonna do?  But nobody gave us a handbook and said hey here is how it is when YOU have the children so really I am like flying by the seat of my pants whilst trying to solve a Rubik's cube is the way my parenting seems to go.

And the MEMORIES.   This is what gets me time and time again.  As I was chatting with a mysterious friend we were tapping into our memories and of course one door opens another and it's like hold on to your hats you just signed up for NOSTALGIC BUNGEE JUMPING.

So my kids have started to play bball and just the sounds and the smells alone bring back Pavlov and his little doggies. So I am like, who needs happy hour? There is BASKETBALL.  And then I start to ruminate about when I was playing, and who the players were and what was up with all of THAT nonsense who we all were twenty years ago.  Deep stuff

And then of course there is now social media so you can seriously MESSAGE someone from the BEYOND and say YO WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT? and get an answer.  Sort of like when I was little and had questions about life or people or history and there was only the library and the encyclopedia to go to.  Now, before my brain even forms it's question the google box has guessed my thought for me.  And it comes with several IMAGES.

Anyway, here is today.

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Chalkboard

Okay so I said Ted was being unusually nice and helpful.  He had a dentist appointment this morning, so he woke up ahead of me, which is very rare.  Usually mama is on the prowl early as a bird.  But he woke up ahead of me

and was like here mom I did your schedule.

Love.

Groceries

So I am really good for starting random and ridiculous conversations in the grocery store,  Peeps have no idea what is happening to them when I roll up and ask a question.  They think like maybe I am normal and have a regular question.  Ha ha.

So today this poor woman was probs just trying to buy her groceries when I became incensed at the nutritional information on the back of a bag of specialized cracker jacks.  So I am all no STOP EVERYTHING.  GUESS how many serving sizes they are trying to say this snack bag is?


And the woman, who up until this point had been living a normal life, is like wha....? and I am like okay slow down killer let me explain and then she gets it.  And I am like FOUR.  THEY WANT TO TELL ME THIS TINY BAG OF CRACKER JACKS HAS FOUR SERVING SIZES IN IT.

So then obvs this other dude has got to chime in and we are all in an uproar. I am like come on if the bag were BIG MAYBE you get away with two serving sizes and he is all cheering me on. And then I check out and am like have a nice day, yo. Laters.

So Teddy got a ninety four on his behavior sheet today and has been uncharacteristically thoughtful.  I am wondering if he is having some residual vibrations from the weekend?

Back in the Day

So I just had a nice chat with my new old friend who is a LOVER and (a donater) from way back when and we were trying to put all this stuff together.  A couple of girl's names that we played ball with and high school days, and we were talking about teams.

I was the captain of my high school basketball team, and of course I tried to be nice to everyone, Bloggy.  We had some haters on the team who wanted an uprising but its girl's  bball so slow down, killers. We are not the Irish trying to live by England's rules.  Calmness.  We are our little and awesome basketball team called the Lady Knights.  Sometimes, we dribble.

So anyway my mysterious friend and I were talking about gossip and how it is so weird.  I just want the truth, Bloggy,  But even by that time I am cool with whatever.  I mean who cares if this girl got knocked up by this guy as long as everyone's okay in the long run.  Okay Okay Bloggy nobody's knocked up,  Calm down



 No judgment.  Years and years go by and really you just hope everyone is doing well.  Right?

Mama's Sad

So we went to the big bday party this weekend but things didn't go so well.  Because of Xbox 360.  I guess Ted just cannot handle screens.  And sometimes I cannot handle Ted.

But it is sad because the kids at the party get scared because he freaks out so badly.  And of course a little girls birthday party should be all sorts of fun and not mayhem and tragedy all over an X Box 360.


Ted flips out because the Xbox 360 is being played and he is just watching for several hours and then he doesn't get a chance to play as he would like.  And the screen is life-sized, and all the games are super fun, so I get that he was really excited about this video game.  But then sometimes video games have to get turned off.  If only Ted could have a switch like that.

So he freaks out all the kids and adults and me at the party because he is screaming. And I am trying to get pajamas on him and he is kicking me in the face and it is all sorts of bad.  I mean, a seven year old boy is STRONG, Bloggy.  And poor Helen doesn't know what to do so she is stranded from the other kids because she is just trying to figure out how to help.  And this is pretty much her life.  She goes to a birthday party and tries to have fun and her brother torches the place.

Sha Blam!

We made it Bloggy.   We survived.

Mama went to kickboxing at eight am to the tune of how much are these classes costing (donate)  *HUBBY SPEAKS* and left Anyiah and Helen and T and E with  the the big breakfast of waffles.

So I am basically telling my hubby that kickboxing costs three dollars a class.  Ha ha, And I will leave it on this blog to see if hubby reads it, or cares or what, so then if it is a little bit MORE....enter Bloggy.   Anywhistle....

E had the swim lessons at 1100. H and T also had theirs at 1000.  But bball pics triumphed so  Mama split it up with hubby, and hubby and E went flying along to their swimmies, whilst Mama took H and T to the Willow Dale Elementary School Cafeteria to wait for ever to hold a ball with a purple or yellow t shirt NUMBER 7 in da house. (H and T both have of course the number seven. Obvs.)


THEN maybe have enough time time  drive them BACK TO TH Y FOR THE HOCKEY classes.   Of course.  And yes Mama does.

So as we are duhriving all over the the damned place, H is like

Lets  well hold on for a moment. H is great. She is thoughtful and spacey and funny and she  says:


Well today is Olivia's sleepover birthday party in Delaware, isn' that the the nifty beans? And mommy is like yay for Olivia turning 8 the end.  SO tired.


~End Scene~


Mama is so tired with the pics and the kicks and the whatever.    Yes.   She sees bedtime in her very close horizon.  Baby Lasagna is there, all smiling, welcoming and Stevie Wonder starts to play....ZZZZ are there.


So Mama is a diplomat and she know how to present. She tells H and T:  How about we go for a GREAT lunch at WAWA and have screentime all the live long day forever and ever.   We can set up the trampoline or the zipline and have a great day. H and T are biting at he chomp, but then...


They turn the tables


 Then little manipulations get you.  And you start thinking. Oh dear lord Mama DON'T start thinking. That is the worst you can do.  I am thinking in my little blonde head there is absolutely no way I am driving to DE today so how do I approach H and T with this?  So I offer them lunch out on the way HOME from the Y (20 min drive). . And talk about how awesome it will be, and H and T are no fools, Bloggy.  So H and T are like yeah that sounds awesome ORRRRRRRRR


We could just starve ourselves to death and live on the flying Doritos coming out of that guy's front window, playing hungry hungry hippos, ANDD

make it to Olivia's bday party in DE.

Crickets.  Mama hears the crickets..  Okay Mama drives 80 mph to DE and the bday party we take over. One small stop for gas and as soon as we get to the Merritts I have to take a shower.  But we made it to DE, rolling up with various toiletries and accouterments  and side orders falling out of our pockets.   Well played, all around.

Sleepover

So in the midst of all this fun stuff... and by the way is my video of T's game not working cause I am about to plotz on that thing.... H has finagled herself a sleepover with some kid who I am not kidding showed up on my doorstep with her mama being like see ya round nine! in the middle of the night after Ted's basketball game.


Her name is Aniyah  And she is ruling this house like it is going out of style.  I mean I went into the kitchen because the kids were baking biscuits and I almost had to get out of my own house so Aniyah could like fluff her muffins or something.

So I told the girls they could stay up as late as they want of course, but there are bball pics tomorrow, and if Ted does not get a haircut, it is quite possible he will suffocate himself the next time he goes to bed..  And mama wants to do some kickboxing and things are HAPPENING.  Because it is Saturday. Duh, Bloggy.  Wait, no.  Right now it is Friday night.  Don't freak me out like that.  Sorry Blog I am talking in the upcoming tenses.

Oh Sh!t Aniyah is coming downstairs.  I have to make sure I have my chores done.

Friday Night Basketball

Stepdad's like what miniature figure person do I commandeer to which activity.  And mama is like um okay all the points high didddlee dee a pirate's  life for me.

Ted has 88 points from his behavior chart so we get to to do the basketball game tonight!

Hold up.

Say what?  It is E's Poppop's birthday maybe so Stepdad and E hustltebustle to over there parts and Mama takes H and T to

T's second basketball game!

Friday Lights

Okay Thanks so much. Dentist who just tortured and financially raped me.  Come again!  Next Weds? Sure.  I am confused.  What is that relationship about?

E has all her pups in school and T has all of his sinus nose medication and what have you on the bus which was a close call as I went running out of the house with the Flonase and T was like WHY GOD ME??? but we got it in there. And all the neighbors are like, oh, those guys....



T has a bball game tonight  at six (the second) so obviously I will be videoing and photoing and whooping and scooping.  All while pretending NOT to know Ted.  At his request.

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Iphone

Hmmm am I ever going to get the hang of this new iPhone, Bloggy?  I mean I touch it and all this crazy shiznitsie stuff starts happening. Which is fine because mama does like the POWER but also I am like jeeeez us I just want to dial.

Okay, so waiting at the dentist for my roots to be canaled. Again. And posts to be put in. And whatever else teeth need that is undeniably annoying and expensive.

Wait, remember the seats in the checkered cabs,  New Yorkers? We would love to hail down a checkered cab because it meant you could like use the stool seats that came out of the back? Hmm what do the po po say about that now?

E update

Well, we are friends now.  And of course she most pack every Paw Patrol pup she has into her Pokemon back back (she lost her Paw Patrol backback, leaving it and it's contents of have eaten sandwich somewhere we shall never know) which she picked out at the store because of its eard.  Her dad purchased it for her because pretty much if E points at it, Dad buys it and three of it's neighbors.  (This is a trick I would like her to teach me as I sit at this table dressed in three Pokemon backpacks because I have no clothes).

T went to his therapist yesterday which stepdad took him to because mama no likes to drive in the darkness.  I haven't gotten the full update yet, but he did get 88 points on his behavior chart yesterday (the goal is 80) so that is an okay day for us.  If he reaches goal, he is allowed screentime for the day.  T also has a bball game tonight, so I will be taking some picture of him hopefully not tripping over himself to post.

Girls vs Boys

Um, Blog? Helen just asked me is if I could blog from my phone. And I said, automatically, yes. However, had no idea what I was talking about.
So T is at behavior therapy with stepdad and I am here with these two

E and T and H

Gotta love all three.  So E was having her moments this morning, and of course I was having none of it.  So Big sis H stepped in and sort of SUGGESTED to E that she might want to say sorry to me.

So mom comes whistling up the stairs ready to shoot anyone's eyeballs out if they look at her the wrong way and E says a teary, "Mama I'm sorry." which of course melts me into mamagel, and I am like it's okay, let's all be friends.  So of course H has to prance in and be like, I TOLD HER TO SAY SORRY I WAS THE ONE IT WAS ME I DID IT!!!  Prance prance prance.


Meanwhile Ted brushes his teeth.  Supposedly.  Pretty much now everything this kid does I am going to tack on an "allegedly" to.  Just hedging my bets,

OKay, Bloggy, we are at noon and Rosa hasn't rung.  Oh Fballs, she is on silent...  


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E's Reaction

So after I got off the big red phone with Teddy's special ed teacher at around one thirty pm she had been telling me how she was stressing to him that he could still turn his day around and even though he had such a bad day he got 88 points on his sheet, which is above the 80 goal mark.

So I had told stepdad who is about ready to throw Ted out on the street in a garbage pail, and Ted still was condemned to no screen time and time in his room either reading or writing.  I went to visit him often and tried to talk about things with him, and this was not putting me in stepdad's good graces as he would like for Ted's room to now become the hole in da clink.  And I get that.  But it's tough.

So of course all this has an affect on E who is three, and looked at me this morning while I was putting on his sweatr and said, "I love only, daddy.  And not you mommy!!  And I was like....word.


Let's all take a step back now,  nobody wants to screw with mama.  Mama makes your cereal and puts out your clothes and decides every night NOT to lace your dinner with Prozac, little girl.  SO now E and I will have our trials today as she is swaying on the staircase sonorifically sniffing Daddy I want my Daddy while I use her as a ledge to put family pictures on.

So I was going to start a gofund for T's medical expenses but there is no way I can keep all the links straight.  Really I just want a thermometer that tracks my expenses/progress.  Sigh. So I will just stick with the blog donations.

Also, at what point are they just going to straight out suspend Ted? I mean yesterday after he threw the chair at the teacher, they did not ask me to come pick him up?  Which I was prepared to do....So I basically sit by my phone, wondering what today might bring....

The Phone Call :(

So Teddy threw a chair at his special ed teacher today.    She just called me, and told me he didn't behave the way he was expected to.  It is so sad.  We are trying so  hard for him to get everything together and make him a respectable boy.  Everyone is trying.  Even he is trying.  So what is happening?

Maybe there is a misdiagnosis, and he is biboplar.  I don't know.  I do know that everyone is trying to help help all the time and we are at our wit's end  These behaviors are not acceptable. So today was not a good day for him,  Once again.  And I am very patient, but getting very frustrated.

I will update you tonight, Bloggy,bloo and let you know how T thought his day went.

The Big Game

Okay so Teddy made the big game yesterday and it was intense. The boys were all pretty experienced so I was little worried.  Especially because we walked in during the last part of a game and Ted almost ran dribbling to the basket not realizing that we all weren't at the Y for a free for all. Oh dear.

But then he watched the first quarter and played the last second and third.  As far as seven year olds go, they draw quite the crowd and there is an air of intensity about it that might be a little disturbing.  Ted did trip over himself at one point flat out.  He is the most fidgety person on the face of the planet.  But there were no melt downs, so that is terrific.  I guess it will take the kiddos a few games and practices to get the hang of it.

Both H and T get o be luck number 7.  H is purps and T is yellow.  I have a video on my fb page but Bloggy is being too sensitive and freaking out when I try to post it on him.  Oh well you can see T through the fb link.

Hooks and Tenders

Hey Bloggybutt,

I have a second and I am checking in after Ted's dr's appointment (ear infection) and before his basketball game.  He did well today on the behavior chart and I told the old regular doc all about Ted's struggles and he was like... eh. Not ma probs.  And I was like cool.  Set  a girl up with some antibiotics, and let's hit the road.

Ear infection it is.  So Ted has to do his homework now which he is squeaking amidst a constant chatter of momguesswhat momguesswhat momguesswhat i have to tell you something i have to tell you something i have to tell you something while we are at he table.

I have told him about bball and how the synchronicity is what it is - you can't freak out and walk away.  So we we'll what the haps are as I lay petrified and also half asleep at once because the game is at SEVEN. Usually mama is in slippers by seven.

T's Game Is on Tonight

So while I was at Helen's game last night I got called by Teddy's soon to be coach, signing him up.  Now, this could go one of two ways, he could do great and we could all throw twigs and branches at him circling our lovely songs and dances or he could freak out and torch the place.

Mostly, I want to make sure my hair is straightened.  I just washed it and I am not sure what is happening, but irons and blowers and lots of electricity needs to come out to make it right again.

But again about bball, man it is a commitment with the TWO. Is it wrong to hope one of them dribbles into the hallway and returns later on eating a snack?  Because six pm and seven pm on school nights does NOT usually have mama driving around town.  Rah the swimming and the basketball and so on.  But since I have TWO I have to do BOTH and that's that.

And the deal is homework has to be done for bball to be played.  The behavior sheet can come back whatever then T loses his screen time.  Bball is played regardless because he needs the physical activity,

So tonight's the night. I am petrified and also half asleep.

Bio dad

So Ted kinda freaked out this Saturday night when bio dad left his visit.  Bio dad comes down once every two weeks on Saturday.  Bio dad lives in Ct so the drive is long for him and he has the weekend to spend with the kids but for some reason, he just does Saturdays.  Usually, when he leaves, H and T are all good.  He will come back to the house and feed them and do the showers and stuff and then hit the road.

This time, Ted had a meltdown and didn't want Nick to go.  He was crying on top of crying about it. So I am not sure if he is just extra emotional because of being weaned off the meds or what is happening.  He had a very hard time with it, so Mama stepped up after Nick left to play Press Your Luck in the spare room and have a sleep over with T.  There were serious chips involved.

Hopefully this week will be better.  It looks like he can start basketball this week, and I am hoping that goes well.  I mean, he could flip out on his teammates, and it could be a disaster or he could be the next Larry Bird.

In other news. E has a new Pokemon backback full of Paw Patrol Pups, and a necklace.  The bare essentials one might need hiking in the Grand Canyon.

http://mystretchypants.blogspot.com/