Coach N

So I like to get the kids in with the sports. This was the first real year where everything fell into place and H and T could give different sports a try. Hockey, basketball softball, swimming, tennis. I have been telling you all about it, Bloggy.  Some at the Y and some in our township.


In Warmnister Township, everything is pretty much voluntary.  So the coaches, the refs, all of it are just good people doing awesome things. The woman who ran the Warminster Basketball league for both H and T  had about fourteen kids who simultaneously reffed and coached and handed out juice boxes.  They were all named Mary Kate Mc something.  Mary Kate McAlice.  Alice McMary Kate.

When basketball season was wrapping up,  two adults sitting behind cafeteria tables with laptops appeared  These people were like all pretending they just happened to.... wake up all of a sudden.. in the cafeteria with a laptop on their person. So I walked up to one (cause I thought they were like selling COOKIES obvs) and I was like, Hey what are you all doing and they were the


Softball peeps.  Wouldn't ya know, my statistics machine just HAPPENED to plant itself in front  of the dying basketball rookies.  Anyone up for a game or two? I am not sure why they have to be all on the sly but it was seriously CIA bizz.


So I was like hey sure lets sign everybody up for everything and yay sports I just happen to have a check on me and all of a sudden H and T are you-kneed for the Montreal Expos or whavetever.

*Cut to H and T holding Montreal Expos Cabbage Patch Kids* Wafting banners*


On the registration sheet, they ask for all of your cell phone numbers, emergency contacts, venereal diseases and sketchy family members.  There are also several boxes that say hey what can you do for us?  Sell cookies?  Set up tables?  Coach? Asst Coach? Irish Step Dance?

So of course I am all in the mode and I check off the box that says coach.  I mean, hell, I played softball like a mo fo.  My batting average was off the charts and I can still swing a bat like Ted Williams. No doubt I could coach, It would be fun.

And of course nothing happens for years (minutes). And I am like, this is my kinda league.  Every once in awhile I wake up with a start, thinking, man remember when I checked the coach box?  Eh, snooooooze.

So.  I almost just want to cut and paste the various emails that have ensued   But that would be inappropriate.  And I could probably get sued. Let's just say, I was called a couple of weeks ago when the league was starting and the one phone call was so serious it scared the pants off of me to the point where I resigned my coaching status post haste via iPhone the Sunday morning after.

I totally bowed out (best decision ever) because I simply was out of my element.Which is what I said in explanation, but I didn't even get a reply email.  I felt a little guilty cause it would have been great fun for Helen, But I mean I would have trouble finding the fields we practiced on and here within the MINUTE that I hang up my boots, I get an email from my replacement who has an excel spreadsheet that times and dates every little league practice and game in Warmisnter since the Civil War.

Hmm okay here is one just cause I have to

Hi Nancy.  I am just checking to see if Helen is still interested in playing softball.  She has missed the first 2 practices and so I was unsure if she has changed her mind.  Please let me know so I can plan my roster accordingly.  Thank you:)