Here is what screen time does to my kids:
1. Pupils peeled into curlicues. Zombified. Googly eyes..
2. One hand automatically turns into a boxing glove that punches anything standing in between screen and child. This gloved hand is on a spring. It goes everywhere. Sometimes, it sporadically boings out of the stomach.
3. Eyeballs pasted to technicolor. Lashes shellacked to buzzing screen.
4. Crickets. Just the crickets..
5. Static.
6. Hair. Lots of hair over the screen. A wave of neon platinum hair and glow.
7. Tapping. And clicking. A lot of TAPPING and CLICKING and SLIDING and PRESSING. (Is this a touch screen? Is this a touch screen? Maybe if I POUND MY THUMB OVER HERE I'LL FIND OUT)
8. Hypnotism. Tourrette's Syndrome staccato. Wha? Who? No. Eiw. Stop. Harumpf. Blech.
9. Random burping with no apologies.
10. Speechless. If speaking, can only grunt with eyes slightly open.
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